Parenting is a tough gig, and while we might have differing views and opinions on how to do the ‘hardest job in the world’ is it ever okay to openly judge a friend’s kids or their parenting style?
One woman found herself in tricky territory recently when after a catch up with a good mate and her 4-year-old son ended badly, she made a comment about the kid’s lack of manners and her friend walked out.
“One of my friends, Nora, has a 4-year-old son, who is notorious for being naughty,” the woman said in a since-deleted thread on Reddit.
“The son doesn’t get along with other kids and is a constant source of crying and screaming.”
‘I asked him to give it back’
During the course of the visit, the youngster needed a nap so the Redditor showed them to the guest room. While the boy dozed, the friend came downstairs to hang out but after 40 minutes he was back with a worrying smile on his face
“He had my wife’s wedding ring,” the poster said of the visiting infant named Jack.
“Kate is a doctor and doesn’t take her ring to work. She leaves it on our nightstand. He had clearly gone into our bedroom. I told Nora I’d like him to give the ring back. Nora said he’d just get bored with it now and that I needed to relax.”
The woman took her friend’s advice but then wished she hadn’t.
“A few minutes later, I asked him to please give the ring back,” the upset poster continued.
“This triggered something because he ran to the window and threw the ring out in our spacious backyard.”
Oh dear.
‘This is not healthy kid behavior’
“I got really, really mad,” the distressed woman said.
“Kate adores her ring, and I had it custom-made with many little touches. It was extra special because it resembled a ring in her nana’s family that she couldn’t have because she chose to marry a woman.
“After all that, I told Nora her…son had no manners, and she needed to do something about him—maybe take him to a doctor because this is not healthy kid behavior.
“She got very upset and left.”
Apparently this caused a mass exodus and all the other guests left too so the couple could look for the beloved ring but they had no luck.
“I am a crying mess. Kate keeps saying it’s nothing, but I know how much she loves that ring. Despite all this, every mum in our friend group is calling me an AH for taking it too hard on them.”
While her friends might not feel sorry for her, the commenters had a different taker on the situation offering a great deal of empathy.
“Four year olds don’t have much of a sense of right and wrong, but that’s why parents set and enforce boundaries,” wrote one commenter.
“ If mum had immediately leapt up, taken the ring away and handed it to you with sincere and abject apologies, and then told Jack that he behaved badly and they were going home, I’d cut her some slack. But no, she is 100 percent the a*****le here.”
‘He needs discipline’
“He needs discipline” was a common reply to the upset woman’s post.
“The mother saying ‘he’ll get bored soon’ is the key indication there is zero discipline in their house,” added another.
On reflection the OP said she felt she might have been too hard on her friend: “I may have been too harsh since it is hard to be a mum and control your kid’s behavior the whole time.”
But the thousands of comments were mostly very empathic to her situation, questioning why her friends weren’t on her side more.
“Your ‘friend group’ can get on their hands and knees and comb every inch of your yard, too, or they can never be invited back to your home.
“And if you never find the ring, you can ask for a new ring to be made, to the exact specifications, and Jack’s mama can pay for it.”
‘Get a metal detector’
A few had some helpful ideas as to how she could find her wife’s ring.
“A metal detector is the answer. We lost car keys in ivy once. We searched for 12 hours. Then, I went and got a metal detector. Found them in 10 mins in a place we looked at for hours.
“Save the time and get a metal detector.”
Sounds like great advice.
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