A clinical psychologist based in New York said she was “quite surprised” at the “vitriol and anger” she received this week for posting a TikTok video showing how to break up with a toxic friend.
“The internet’s reaction indicates how divisive and difficult this subject is, especially in our culture today — friendships can be complicated, and ending a friendship can be especially painful and awkward,” Dr. Arianna Brandolini said in an email Thursday to The Post.
“Unfortunately, in my experience, there is no painless way to do it.”
The 33-second viral video, which counts 277,000 views, shows Brandolini playing the role of both friends enduring the breakup. Commenters slammed the exercise for its “corporate” and “HR” tone.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been withdrawn and haven’t wanted to hang out recently,” Brandolini starts the clip. “What’s going on?”
She then switches roles, speaking as the friend who wants things to be over.
“I’ve treasured our season of friendship, but we’re moving in different directions in life,” she explains. “I don’t have the capacity to invest in our friendship any longer.”
As the pretend victim of the terminated friendship probes for reasons behind the choice, Brandolini continues, “I get that it might be hard to understand, but I’ve been re-evaluating many areas of my life recently, including my ability to be a good friend to you.”
TikTok users took Brandolini to task in the comments.
“This feels SO sterile and avoidant omg,” one person argued.
Another agreed, “This would ruin me. Absolutely never say this to anyone.”
“I would be so furious if someone ended our friendship like it was some corporate business deal,” one TikToker confessed.
One user went so far as to label the interaction “heartless.”
“This is heartless and feels like a friendship is just a business and nothing more,” the person noted.
Brandolini defended the clip in her email to The Post.
“The video was meant to normalize that sometimes it’s necessary to end a friendship that does more harm than good,” she wrote.
“It was intentionally impersonal because it was meant to be a template and people should customize how they will — and of course, have a conversation longer than 30 seconds.”
Some TikTokers did appear to appreciate her tips.
“Normalize phasing out friends,” one user cheered.
“Communication is key,” someone else chimed in.
“While I didn’t expect it to go viral in this way, I’m glad it’s sparking conversation and debate about the subject — I’ve seen comments on how people wish this were talked about more because it’s something most of us experience and seldom know how to cope,” Brandolini concluded.