Mom of five Yamel Belen regularly welcomed her kids home from school with the question, “How was your day?” — as parents often do.
The polite, yet uninspired greeting would often elicit spiritless responses from her brood, which ranges in age from 7 to 25, including, “It was good,” “Fine,” or “OK.”
The dead-end answers to her commonplace probe would automatically derail a would-be heart-to-heart chat — potentially offering Belen a peek into her children’s lives outside of the home — before one even began. She despised feeling shut out.
So the native New Yorker got creative with her approach.
“I really hated getting the ‘It was good’ response to my after-school questioning,” Belen, a registered nurse from Brooklyn, now living in Tampa, Florida, told The Post. “I wanted to know everything about their lives at school and felt like I was doing something wrong [as a mother].”
“So, I started asking questions that would give me better responses,” the 40-something added.
Instead of the general question, she makes inquiries like: “What made you smile today?” and “Who did you sit next to at lunch?” and “What part of the day made you super happy?”
She said her strategy opened up the lines of communication — namely with her 17-year-old son and elementary schooler daughters, aged 9 and 7.
“Now I’m getting all the tea,” bragged Belen, whose TikTok posts dedicated to her post-school questions have garnered more than 741,000 views.
She’s not alone. Moms like Belen — most of whom are addressing the buzzy communication issue beneath TikTok hashtag “#HowWasSchool,” which has raked in more than 4.1 million views — are sharing alternative queries that prompt the best post-school chats.
Belen says her youngest daughters — in the fourth and second grade, respectively — are now eager to share unique details about their experiences each day.
“Moving away from ‘How was your day?’ after school and asking questions that get them talking has made us extremely close,” she told The Post. “Having open dialogue with the little ones now sets the foundation for [fluid] conversations about tougher topics when they become teenagers.”
And her advice might be just what the doctor ordered.
Lesley Koeppel, a psychotherapist in Manhattan, tells The Post that failing to properly connect with kids about the highs and lows of their school days could be detrimental to the parent-child bond.
“I always advise parents against asking ‘How was your day?’ because it doesn’t show that you’re truly interested in them — their likes, dislikes, decision-making, friends, teachers or strengths,” said the expert.
She, too, noted that a generic ask about a tot’s day behind the desk — similar to a kindly “How are you, today?” that an adult might causally say to a friend or stranger in passing — could leave the little one feeling as if they’re unimportant.
“It’s more impactful to ask questions that focus on the child’s daily processes,” said Koeppel, a mom of three. “When we acknowledge our kids’ feelings about the things they’ve experienced by asking something like, ‘What was the best part of your day?’ It shows them we truly care, and that builds their self-esteem.”
Parents of Gen Zs and younger are constantly working to enhance their family ties.
Mothers like Jax Anderson have established a secret “emoji code” text messaging system between themselves and their tweens, offering the minor a safe way to send a digital “S-O-S” when in danger.
Some parents even share a bed with their big kids, hoping to maintain a sweet attachment.
Like Belen, Hannah Clarneau, a mom of four from Tennessee, only asks questions that get her young twins gabbing, which she shared in a clip with 1.9 million views.
“First thing I like to ask my kids is, ‘Did you like lunch today?’” revealed the blond. “If they didn’t like it, they probably didn’t eat it. If they didn’t eat it, they’re probably going to be grumpy.”
She also found success in asking her children about recess.
“They might tell you how they’re playing, what they like to do … What are they doing with their friends for pretend play?” said Clarneau.
Lisett Bohannon, 37, a mom of two from Austin, Texas, tells The Post she was shocked to learn what her 8-year-old daughter, Billie, was up to after swapping out “How was your day?” for a more in-depth question like, “What did you do during recess?” last week.
“She’s running an entire business on the playground,” said Bohannon, a marketing manager, who got the idea to jazz up her after-school prompts from Clarneau’s viral video.
Her third grader recently began hawking handmade bracelets to classmates, trading the colorful accessories for “tickets” that act as currency for prizes at her school’s store.
“I had no clue,” the proud mama said with a laugh.
“My husband and I really care about what our kids are doing, especially when we’re not around them,” said Bohannon, who’s also gained major insight on her 10-year-old son Kingston, an avid soccer player, since improving her daily questions.
“I love getting the tea — and they’re actually more excited to tell me about it.”
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