What the ‘taxi cab’ dating theory gets wrong — here’s why a man might finally commit to you

The “taxi cab” dating theory may be taking you on a ride.

All women have either seen it happen or have experienced it themselves: A commitmentphobic man dates a woman for years on end without proposing, only to quickly get engaged to the next woman he starts seeing.

It’s a phenomenon that’s so common that it earned its own label in Season 3 of “Sex and the City.”

“The Taxi Cab Theory”, as Miranda (played by Cynthia Nixon) explained in the 2000 episode, infers that “men are like cabs.”

“When they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, then they turn their light on,” she explained. “The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.”

In this theory, no matter how well you and your partner match, a man won’t commit until he decides he is “ready.”

However, it may not be so simple.

Relationship experts told SELF that while it may often seem like the Taxi Cab Theory is at play, there are often a multitude of other factors.

Dr. Molly Burrets, psychologist and adjunct professor at the University of Southern California’s Department of Marriage and Family Therapy, says “it’s a common coping mechanism to lean on neat, simplified explanations like the Taxi Cab Theory to make sense of something so blindsiding and complicated.”

It may be uncomfortable to hear, but a man may be quickly committing to a new love simply because they’re a better match.

“It might just be the case that their new partner is more compatible,” Nari Jeter, LMFT, licensed couples therapist in Florida and cohost of “The Coupled Podcast,” told SELF.

A breakup could be what a person ultimately needed in order to have some self-reflection and realize what they need to properly commit.

Perhaps alone time will give the partner the space to work on themselves and their commitment issues in therapy or work on their communication skills.

Plus, a new relationship can symbolize a fresh start, giving the man a chance to act on what they’ve learned about themselves and embrace their growth.

“Even though past relationships can be remembered with fondness, new relationships bring the promise of new opportunities and fewer unresolved, lingering issues,” Jeter added.

Besides, it’s easy to look at a universal rule or theory as a way to cope with heartbreak and make sense of something that could’ve been blindsiding and unexpected.