Three men are attempting to become just the second “throuple” in the US to officially be parents to a child.
Ben Rodriguez, Mitch and Benjamin Rolam are three partners who are looking to get all their names on their adopted daughter’s birth certificate, a feat only done one other time in the US.
Mitch and Ben, both 37, met in 2006 at an LGBTQ+ community program and were together 12 years, but always felt something missing from their monogamous relationship.
“We’ve always believed that to love one person alone was unrealistic, at least the way we saw it,” Ben said to the Independent about his relationship with Mitch. “We both felt like we just had so much love to give and that if there were an opportunity ever to bring a third person to a relationship, we would completely be open to that.”
It did take the two lovers some time to figure out the logistics and have some difficult discussions about certain aspects of the potential “throuple.”
“We’d ask the tough questions about what would happen if, for example, Mitch had sex with the third person and I wasn’t in the room or vice versa,” Ben added.
The two men didn’t find “the one” until three years into their relationship when they met Benjamin Mui, 35, on a gay cruise in 2018.
At the time Benjamin was living in Canada and in the early stages of a relationship with another man but broke things off with his first boyfriend and started dating his now partners.
There was no tension between any of the men because they talked out each scenario before hand, which allowed Ben to see Mitch a different way than with jealousy in his eyes.
Benjamin, who hadn’t told his relatives he was gay, was tasked with not only coming out to his family but also letting them know he was in a polyamorous relationship with two men.
When their relationship was ready for the next level, the men went to an adoption agency hoping to find someone to adopt from, but because of the non-traditional relationship the trio only had three mothers interested.
That led the trio to hire a website developer and lawyer to advertise their interest in adopting a child together, calling themselves “a throuple looking to adopt.”
The ad campaign worked, as 30 to 40 women were reaching out to the men weekly.
The “throuple,” who share their adventures on Instagram under the account “Gay Throuple” announced the birth of their daughter Tegan on March 4, 2022.
The men, who all reside together in Los Angeles with their daughter, are hoping to have two more children via surrogacy.
Ben says he is thrilled to be a goal setter for people in similar situations as he is.
“To know that I’m making a path for other relationships that look like mine feels good,” the director of sales and education said. “It reminds me of the early days when I was fighting for legal rights to get married to a man or two lesbians to marry.”
Mitch, who is a manager of account development, and Benjamin, an entrepreneur, share the same sentiment with Ben as the three are “in a committed relationship raising a beautiful daughter in our ultra modern family,” according to their Instagram bio.
The men don’t seem to notice anyone who are against their lifestyle, but are ready at the moments notice if someone does share their unwanted opinion.
“Tegan is going to love having three dads – she will always have so much love. We would let them know love is love from a mother or a father.”
In reality the “throuple” are just like any other relationship, spending the majority of the day together, splitting up house chores and baby duty while sharing the same bed at night.
“We alternate nights to be with the baby, so when she wakes up in the middle of the night, I can take care of her, the next day is Mitch, the next day is Benjamin,” Ben explained. “So we all feel like we get an equal amount of rest, we all get equal amounts of support, we all get equal time with our baby.”
Ben does believe they have an advantage over the “traditional straight couple” where most of the household chores would fall on the woman.
“In our household, we are all divided equally, Benjamin does the dishes, I cook, Mitch vacuums and does laundry,” Ben says. “We can divide and conquer, we can get so much more accomplished without feeling exhausted.”
As for Tegans three sets of grandparents, they all “accept” their sons’ unconventional relationship but take pride in their roles as grandparents.