My guests’ journey began in elementary school — and has resulted in a marriage that has produced four sons, a family YouTube channel, a podcast called “Dead Ass with K&D” and the best-selling relationship book “We Over Me: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want From Your Relationship.”
How did Devale and Khadeen Ellis get together?
Well, she shot her shot.
Like I mentioned, the pair went to elementary school together and then, rival high schools.
They ran into each other from time to time.
“He used to work in Häagen-Dazs in the mall, and I never had the guts to go up to him and say anything,” Khadeen told me on “Renaissance Man.”
But upon high school graduation, he was receiving a scholarship from their elementary school, and Khadeen was hosting the event.
“I was quivering a little bit, you know, so it had to be the right moment for me to approach him,” she said.
The pair started chatting, and Khadeen thought Devale was going to ask for her number.
He didn’t because, he said, “I already had a plan. I was going to walk away … and I was going to let her walk away and then come back.
“And I didn’t get a chance to do that. Because when I turn to walk away, she goes, ‘Since you ain’t want to ask me for my number.’”
She scribbled her digits down and said, “That’s the right number. And go ahead and use that.”
This was about 2002. It was her landline, and he kept calling. But her 7-year-old sister kept answering and hanging up on him.
This happened the entire summer: The two were both trying to connect to no avail. Khadeen finally went to the White Pages to find his home number. The pair finally connected and the rest is history.
“People don’t understand how that builds a foundation,” he said. “I went through the six to eight weeks of waiting for her.
“Finally, she gets my cellphone number and she calls me … There was no DMs. There was no ‘I’m gonna like these pictures.’”
Instead, Devale who was playing football at Hofstra picked her up, and they ate subs in his dorm room.
Not exactly the most romantic moment, but it was real life.
“We sat down for five hours and just talked,” Devale said.
That foundation was strong enough to carry them over their next big challenge.
Devale was picked up by the Detroit Lions as an undrafted free agent and was making the rookie minimum of $275,000.
He bought a house and invested in the market and property but his career lasted only a few seasons.
He was cut just before the 2008 recession.
“I’m watching my bank account lose $15,000 a day … I had to move out of the home. We moved back to Brooklyn, and it was almost like a scene from a sitcom,” he said.
But this was also a formative moment in their relationship.
“I had a woman who was with me no matter what, no matter how much money I made, no matter if my title was NFL athlete, former NFL athlete. Used to be,” he said.
“No, it didn’t matter to her … We had a plan we built together.”
That plan included him becoming an actor, which he did.
He plays Zac Taylor on BET’s “Sistas.”
And, of course, they’ve turned their relationship wisdom into a full-time job. In their book, they shared personal stories about love and loss and how to keep a relationship fresh.
They also admit their imperfections — sometimes bickering as they are about to do a live podcast.
But they check in with each other, and Devale said, “take accountability” for what they’ve done to cause the other to be annoyed.
But their biggest secret to a great marriage: Move your mother-in-law into your home.
“I chose to move my mother-in-law in with us … because I just knew that Khadeen would need help [with the kids],” he said. “My mother-in-law is so dope.”
Khadeen’s mother allows them to have a weekly date night and stay connected with each other without distractions.
“Our village is strong,” said Khadeen. “It made it easier to keep this flame going.”
Detroit native Jalen Rose is a member of the University of Michigan’s iconoclastic Fab Five, who shook up the college hoops world in the early ’90s. He played 13 seasons in the NBA before transitioning into a media personality. Rose is an analyst for “NBA Countdown” and “Get Up,” and co-host of “Jalen & Jacoby.” He executive-produced “The Fab Five” for ESPN’s “30 for 30” series, is the author of the best-selling book “Got To Give the People What They Want,” a fashion tastemaker and co-founded the Jalen Rose Leadership Academy, a public charter school in his hometown.