For women like me, this TikTok trend requires careful forethought

Finding out I was pregnant with my second son in 2016 was an exciting and nerve wracking time. 

I peed on two or maybe three sticks and felt all kinds of emotions before sharing the good news with my husband.

In a time before TikTok and long before the ‘take a pregnancy test with me’ trend currently doing the rounds, sharing the moment with my man was as far as the news went on that day.

The reason for my caution was not because I wasn’t excited, but because I had been in this exact same situation with positive pregnancy test results on three previous occasions.

And none of those joyful moments ended with a baby. 

“I hibernated, healed and grieved”

Three other pregnancy tests with double lines shared with my husband, that ended up with me in hospital after a miscarriage feeling empty and sad.

I have written about my experiences of miscarriage previously and I do not believe it is something to hide, but in those days and weeks after my losses, I hibernated. I healed. I grieved.

I stayed close to home and to the people I loved the most and eventually I was strong enough to process the sadness in my own gradual way.

In a similar way to my gradual healing, I gradually told people about my pregnancy in 2016.

At first it was just my husband, then a few close friends. Then my employer and at 12 weeks when those anxious first three months were done, we told family and our community.

The old fashioned and unofficial rule for not telling anyone you are pregnant for those first often difficult months, is hard. Hard because you might be exhausted, sick or just bursting with excitement. 

The reason many women chose to keep that news private or at least partially private is because 85 percent of miscarriages occur in the first 12 weeks. 

“How can they help you through the grieving”

Of course, it all comes down to individual choice as to how you want to handle those first few months of pregnancy with your nearest and dearest. 

The same supportive friends who celebrate your happy pregnancy announcement are likely to be the same people you want to help you through a loss.

And if your friends don’t know, how can they possibly help you to grieve?

But sharing the news on a global scale on social media in real time because of a trend, is a whole different scenario that warrants some careful thought.

Before you commit to sharing your happy pregnancy test news with the world, it might be worth asking yourself this one question first: how might you feel sharing bad news with the same audience – if your pregnancy journey ends suddenly?

“A cautiously exciting time”

Of course many TikTok users find great comfort in sharing the good, bad and the devastating parts of their fertility journeys online and I can see the appeal of sharing happy news with as many people as possible.

But for me, the pregnancy stick test result part is less a big joyful simple moment to share, rather a cautiously exciting time that comes with a bunch of other emotions that need time to process.

Back in 2016 with my last successful pregnancy, I actually enjoyed the fact it was a secret only those closest to me knew. 

It felt special and private and I didn’t always have to tell the people I was with every intricate detail. It also meant people around me weren’t worrying along with me or treating me like invalid.

One way to get around missing out on the trend entirely would be to film the happy moment of your pregnancy test results and hold sharing the footage until you feel more comfortable letting a wider audience know you are pregnant. 

“My baby making days are behind me”

John Pearce the dancer and purple Wiggle and his wife the luxury fashion buyer Jessie Adamo Pearce, captured all the big moments on camera, and then released an emotional reel to fans and followers when Jessie was more than 12 weeks along.

In 2024 and at 45-years-old this is not a dilemma I need to worry about – my baby making days are behind me. 

But for anyone considering jumping on this trend, please delight and celebrate your happy pregnancy news and then carefully decide if immediately sharing it far and wide is for you.