A woman has divided social media after revealing she put her boyfriend on a Performance Improvement Plan to save their relationship.
Nadeen Hui shared earlier this week on TikTok that she “put (her) boyfriend on probation” early in their relationship, when they were experiencing “a lot of issues”.
“Ultimately I felt like we weren’t compatible, even though we have a lot of love for each other,” she said in the clip, which has been viewed by more than 357,000 people.
“As a last straw, we decided to do a performance improvement plan. For those of you not (working) in tech, a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) … is what you get put on when they’re about to fire you.
“And before you come at me, I know it’s kind of harsh to some of you, but he’s an engineer and sometimes it’s really hard to communicate with him without using something that he can already relate to. Plus, he kind of liked it.”
Hui went on to explain the couple had “a shared note with daily and weekly tasks he needed to do, and set of things that he needed to work on, and it worked out really well”.
So well, in fact, they continue to use a similar system for “household chores” and “things that he’s responsible for … that has been the only thing that has stuck and works”.
“Like anything I need done, I just add it onto the board and he’ll get it done – but if I just tell him, he’ll forget about it,” Hui said.
“We also do weekly retrospectives where we check in with each other at the end of each week to see how we’re doing and that’s my favorite.”
In the video’s caption, Hui went into further detail about why she and her boyfriend had found using a PIP so helpful.
“We started living together really early on in our relationship so we saw all of each other’s living habits and lifestyles super quickly,” she wrote.
“And I honestly think it worked out better this way because we could decide if we actually wanted to work on these lifestyle habits together or split up. Since it was so new, there wouldn’t be much love lost and we’d still be friends.
“But ultimately, we decided that we wanna stay together, and these lifestyle changes were for the better so why not do it? I had to learn to be more accepting.”
Not everyone in the comments, however, was sold on Hui’s relationship-saving methodology.
“This is so condescending,” one person wrote, while a second commented, “Late-stage capitalism is truly hell.”
“I’d prefer not to be someone’s manager or assign tasks though,” one woman said, adding, “If there was a mutual task assignment or listing, sure. Still skeptical – maybe for some couples it works. I’d want more of a co-founder dynamic.”
“Does he do the same for you?” another wondered. “It’s important that both sides improve!”
Some said they wouldn’t want to implement the system because they “can’t be project managing at work and in my personal life too”.
But others agreed with Hui’s system, writing that having a PIP is “easier than nagging”.
“I love this!! I’m going to try it with my partner, thanks!” one wrote.
“He and I both don’t like having to remind him over and over on the things he agreed to do.”
“That is (a) very nice way of communicating instead of yelling and screaming at each other,” agreed a second.
While a third commented: “Honestly weekly check-ins is a relationship hack kudos to you.”