Emily Duncan was convinced she was having a baby boy.
The Utah mom-of-two was hoping for one of each after her oldest daughter, Sophia, 4, was born, only to be “disappointed” upon learning she was carrying another girl.
“I’d always pictured having a little girl and having a little boy,” she told Southwest News Service, revealing that she expected to be pregnant with a boy.
She “checked off every single one of the old wives’ tales” with cravings and behaviors that differed from her first pregnancy, convinced she was carrying a baby boy.
“When we opened up that box and saw the little pink balloons it was quite shocking and not just to me but everyone in the room,” recalled Duncan, grieved for a week despite being told she “should just be grateful.”
The 26-year-old was reeling after the gender reveal, spending the rest of the term “digesting” her new reality and attending therapy before her baby, Alice, was born.
“I wanted to get it all out so that when she came, I could give myself to her fully and have no reservations,” she said.
“I was 30 weeks pregnant when I was finally like ‘we’re having a girl’ – then couldn’t imagine having a boy.”
The nursery, which she always imagined would be painted blue, was doused in pink instead, and Duncan quickly “fell in love with having a little girl.”
Although, when Alice was born in July 2022, Duncan felt “numb and disconnected” but was still “determined to love her” despite feeling pressured to supply her family a grandson.
“I never felt ever like I didn’t love my child,” she explained. “I only ever felt disappointed.”
She argued that it’s possible to “feel disappointed and feel love.”
“We can allow ourselves to have feelings and we don’t have to make a decision based of how we are feeling,” she said.
But now, she couldn’t imagine not having two daughters, calling Alice her “best friend.”
“Our life is so much better. I’d never trade it for the world,” she said. “The sister bond my daughters have is so amazing and so fun to watch.”
Growing her family, though, wasn’t as smooth as it seems.
Her first pregnancy was a surprise, as Duncan believed having children would be unlikely due to having PCOS, or polycystic ovary syndrome, but it never dampened her dream of becoming a mother.
So, when she found out she was pregnant the first time around, she was thrilled.
“I was very excited about having my first baby,” said Duncan, who is one of six children. “I wasn’t upset as I wanted a girl first.”
Then came Alice, who was conceived via IUI, or intrauterine insemination, to improve the chances of a fertilized egg after having difficulties with natural conception.
But the mom’s challenges didn’t stop there — after Alice was born, she was “still grieving” and struggled with postpartum depression for six months, feeling like she had “already disappointed her and failed her as a mother.”
“It was really important to put aside my feelings and choose to love her anyway,” she said. “Now my baby is so loved and so cherished.”
She hopes that gender disappointment can be more normalized among expecting parents.
“It’s never OK to shame anyone having emotions,” she said, likening the strong emotions to losing a dream job.
“It shouldn’t be taboo to be upset over wanting your family to look a certain way either.”
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