‘Premature intimacy’ explained: Why having sex too soon could doom a new relationship

Sex on the first date? You might only be screwing yourself if you’re looking for lasting love.

“Premature intimacy” — dubbed “PMI” — refers to the act of baring too much in the early stages of courtship, with one dating expert saying it’s potentially perilous.

PMI includes both sexual and emotional intimacy, whereby a person starts sharing deeply personal information with a new paramour during the first few dates.

Jessica Alderson, co-founder and relationship expert at So Synced, told Stylist that PMI includes “prematurely holding hands or making a move to sharing deeply personal information or talking about future plans before the connection has had time to develop.”

“When someone shares deeply personal information, they may be hoping to receive reassurance from their date,” Alderson explained. “This stems from a place of insecurity and a need for external validation.”

“Some people have a fear of rejection or abandonment and believe that by opening up quickly they can create a strong bond,” Alderson added. “They may believe that by being vulnerable and sharing personal information in the early stages of dating, their date will see them as more desirable or trustworthy.”

However, the relationship guru says PMI can quickly turn off a partner who could be perfect for you.

Alderson believes that premature physical and emotional intimacy can lead to a loss of intrigue, arguing that a “gradual unfolding of personal details can contribute to the anticipation and enjoyment of discovering more about each other over time.”

Additionally, PMI can create a sense of pressure during a period of courtship that should be light and exciting.

While many may believe it can help create a quick bond, Alderson says speedily sharing intimate details about your dreams and desires has the opposite effect.

“Oversharing early on can leave little room for growth and discovery as a couple,” she declared. “This can hinder the development of a strong, lasting bond.”

On the other hand, avoiding deep and legitimate intimacy for too long could also come with its problems.

So how long should you wait to jump into bed with a new partner?

There’s no consensus among dating experts, but one poll of 2,5000 Americans found most thought they should wait until date eight to do the deed with someone they saw seriously as a long-term love interest.