Maybe stick to chocolates this Valentine’s Day.
A sex therapist is advising couples that it may be in their best interest to “create a pause” on sex on the so-called most romantic day of the year.
“I had so many couples coming to me after Valentine’s Day so disappointed in themselves, in their relationship and in their partner that they didn’t have this Earth-shattering, sensual and romantic experience,” sex therapist Laura Berman told The Post.
“They’re thinking their relationship is doomed, and it creates all this pressure.”
LA-based Berman doubled down that people posting extravagant couple nights and gifts on social media are only amping up already unrealistic expectations and exacerbating insecurities — especially of the sensual sort.
“I see so many couples are really buckling under the pressure — especially if leading up to Valentine’s Day, over the past several months or even years, they really haven’t had a strong connection or they aren’t in a great place,” she said.
“Then there’s this expectation that this day you have to have sex … I don’t like putting pressure on any one day because it creates so many expectations and performance anxiety.”
Berman’s advice also comes in tandem with new research that many men and women have experienced diminished sex drives since the COVID-19 pandemic, too.
“A lot of couples are struggling now in the aftermath of that,” the therapist added.
She said that despite partners being typically stuck inside and physically near one another, unaddressed emotional issues that would usually be forgotten or undermined in everyday, hectic life became a roadblock.
In that case, a small step back can become a giant leap forward.
“I think absolutely when you take the [sexual] pressure off, it can create space for reconnection,” Berman said.
“It does not mean that if you take the sexual pressure off of Valentine’s Day, that means you are sexually doomed. In fact, it usually means an opportunity for the opposite.”
However, she’s not in any way saying that isolation is the way to go this V-Day. Instead, she emphasizes the thoughtful and fun in lieu of “some idealized romantic extravaganza.”
Even going on a simple walk or playing a fun tabletop game can go a long way.
“There are lots of things you can do, but I think the key is making the space for those other [relaxing] things by taking some of those stereotypical expectations off of yourself if they don’t feel good.”
A lighthearted Valentine’s Day can also translate into a great opportunity to co-reflect on what the two of you want out of each other, said Berman.
“I like to use Valentine’s Day, most of all, as a kind of New Year’s resolution for your relationship. So spend a little time in the positive, not talking about all the problems in your relationship, but the kinds of things that you want to really do more of in your relationship,” she explained.
“Maybe you want to take more adventures together or you want to, you know, spend more quality time together. Or maybe you do want to kind of rebuild your sex life a little bit.”
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