Why short women like dating tall men and vice versa, according to experts

Height preferences in the dating world is a hot topic that’s been sparking debate on social media and relationship podcasts, and many seem to be focused on the women who claim they only date men who are 6 feet and above.

Men have been speaking out, questioning why women want to be with men with above-average height, especially women who are average or below average in height and who list height requirements on dating app profiles or in-person conversations. 

In a viral Reddit post, which earned over 109,000 upvotes and 7,800 comments, a man who claims to be 6 feet, 3 inches tall shared a text exchange he said shows a 5-foot-1 woman becoming enraged she didn’t fit his height preference.

On TikTok and YouTube, several men have uploaded videos expressing that being under 6 feet doesn’t automatically make a man a bad romantic partner.

Here’s what relationship experts have to say about height differences in dating, and why women of all heights tend to want taller partners.

Height preferences are hard to figure out

Heterosexual women are generally attracted to tall men due to evolutionary, biological, and social reasons, according to Avigail Lev, founder, and director of the Bay Area CBT Center in San Francisco, which specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy.

“Distinguishing between nature and nurture is extremely difficult in many areas, so we don’t know for sure what is more biological versus what is more of a societal influence,” she told Fox News Digital. “There is a lot of evidence for cultural differences in beauty standards.

“Evolutionary or biological models would say that height is linked to health and strength in a mate or that, sociologically speaking, it is linked to strength, power, the ability to provide and be strong,” Lev added. “But we also don’t know how much of this is biological versus societal versus epigenetic.”

Lev noted that imposed gender roles and resource availability could be factors in why women tend to like taller men.

Women who are dependent on men for money and shelter usually aren’t as picky about looks when searching for a romantic partner, and Lev pointed to women of the 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s as an example.

“Men have always favored looks over a woman’s career, and for women in the past, the career wasn’t necessary,” said Lev. “Now that women have more access to their own resources, they’ve become pickier with their partners’ looks.”

For women, society generally equates shortness with femininity, according to Lev, which she thinks could be a reason why some women prefer tall men.

Same-sex couples who have a “feminine” and “masculine” dynamic in their relationships also tend to have height or size differences, according to Lev.

“Society has conflated femininity with being small, fragile, and petite,” she said. “And society has conflated masculinity with strength, power, and dominance, but this is gender, not sex.”

People tend to equate height with strength and power

Nicole Moore, a certified life coach who specializes in love, relationships, and body language coaching and operates a Love Works consulting service in Beverly Hills, California, told Fox News Digital most of the female clients she works with seem to equate height with strength and safety.

“Many of my clients, no matter their height, have shared that they want to feel that their partner could physically protect them if needed,” she said.

A lot of women also seem convinced that shorter and slimmer men aren’t capable of protecting them, which leads them to believe that the men they choose “should be way bigger than them,” according to Moore.

In her line of work, Moore has heard from women who say they want to be with a taller man because they believe it will make them look smaller in case they gain weight, she said.

“This has to do with insidious cultural programming that makes us feel that a woman must always be physically smaller than her male partner,” said Moore.

The desire to be with a tall man doesn’t seem to be exclusive to short women either.

Moore said she had a 5-foot-7 client who grew up “feeling way too tall” because she had a “very petite” mother and sister.

“When searching for a mate, she wanted a partner who would make her feel small, even when she was wearing tall heels,” said Moore. “She ended up attracting a partner who is 6-foot-5, and she is incredibly happy with his height.”

As for why some tall men may prefer short women, Moore said it could come down to the same “cultural programming” that convinces women of all heights that they should be with tall men and a potential desire for power.

“A height difference can create a power dynamic in a relationship that may be attractive to some couples who prefer a dynamic where the woman is seen as less powerful or even weaker than her man,” she said.

“On the flip side, some very tall men may enjoy a dynamic where they are ‘dominated’ or ruled by a short, but feisty and outspoken woman,” Moore continued.

While height preferences are “a very personal thing,” Moore warned that modern-day daters should consider where their preferences are coming from and examine whether they stem from “insecurities” or “outdated societal ideas.”

Find your match by having an open mind

Jessica Alderson, a London-based relationship coach who’s also the co-founder and CEO of the dating app So Syncd, told Fox News Digital discussions of height preferences in relationships can sometimes lead to feelings of insecurity or concern for people who don’t fit traditional stereotypes.

“But the good news is that attraction is multi-faceted and complex,” she wrote in an email. “Many different factors influence attraction, and everyone has their own unique preferences. There are a lot of people out there who are attracted to short men and tall women. For others, height doesn’t factor into the equation at all.”

People who are attracted to a certain height should be free to do so, but those who have an open mind tend to have more options in the dating market, according to Alderson.

Instead of focusing on the physical attributes of a potential romantic partner, Alderson recommends people evaluate matches holistically based on personality, values, and temperament.

“You might be surprised to find that someone you weren’t initially attracted to could actually be your perfect match,” she wrote. “This doesn’t mean you should compromise on your core values or settle, but you should bear in mind that exploring potential matches beyond your usual type can lead to positive outcomes.”

‘Confident men’ seem to be less rigid about height

Society and media seem to put tallness on a pedestal when it comes to men, and those values can often be seen in Western cinema, where Hollywood set makers have constructed smaller saloon doorways to make actors appear taller, said Amber Kelleher-Andrews, CEO of the matchmaking service Kelleher International.

Kelleher-Andrews, who’s from Montecito, California, told Fox News Digital that while women tend to be paired with tall men, confident men don’t seem to care as much.

“My most confident male clientele don’t have a height preference at all,” said Kelleher-Andrews. “In fact, they are completely comfortable with the female partner being any height, including much taller.

“I have noticed that these extremely confident men are so secure in who they are and what they bring to the table that they don’t find those extra inches as a must-have or a prerequisite for love.”

However, the majority of her male clients have voiced a height preference, and eight times out of 10 they’ve requested to be partnered with a woman who’s shorter than them, said Kelleher-Andrews.

With 30 years of experience in the match-making field, Kelleher-Andrews said she believes men generally “feel more masculine, confident or protective when they are significantly taller than their female partner.”

Having a strict checklist could lead to disaster

Laura Wasser, a Los Angeles-based divorce attorney who serves as the chief of divorce evolution at Divorce.com, acknowledged that while most people have personal height requirements when dating, they should exercise caution.

“I’ve seen relationships that started with a checklist and ended in my office because, in the long run, compatibility runs deeper than physical attributes,” she told Fox News Digital.

Wasser noted that even though many couples include one person who’s shorter than the other, it’s important to remember that “these patterns” don’t define everyone’s preferences.

“There are plenty of tall women and short men who are absolutely rocking the dating scene,” she said. “Love, after all, doesn’t fit into boxes. It’s as varied as the people experiencing it.”