My husband and I don’t tell each other what we earn

For most of her adult life, Jodie has been a victim of financial abuse at the hands of multiple partners.

“I was forced to hand over any money I had to pay all the bills as they never paid for anything,” the Brisbane, Australia mom tells Kidspot.

“One would take my keycard, so I would have to take out money before he could so I would have something left for the kids. There would be loans taken out in my name and I was forced to sign the forms. They controlled everything. I actually found out the job one said he had wasn’t actually real. I had nothing.”

When Jodie and her eldest four children fled the domestic violence, they had to sleep in her car before they were able to be taken in by a refuge.

“We left with nothing but a garbage bag full of clothes and that was it,” the 45-year-old says through tears.

“I had bank accounts with nothing in them. We couldn’t afford to buy food.”

“I had to apply for financial hardship”

Jodie would spend the next five years paying off a $44,000 loan in her name – but taken out by an ex for a vehicle she never wanted.

“I couldn’t afford to make the payments so I had to apply for financial hardship, which added another two years to the loan.”

Through sessions with domestic violence counselors at the refuge, Jodie learned all about how to become more independent so that she could prevent the cycle of financial abuse if she were to have another relationship.

Eight years ago – much to her surprise – she fell in love with another single parent, 46-year-old Michael, and fell pregnant within a few months.

Carrying the trauma of her past abusive relationships, it took Jodie five years – after their daughter had turned four – to trust him enough to fully commit to the relationship because she was so determined to remain completely independent financially.

She didn’t even take any maternity leave for the exact same reason.

“When I found out I was pregnant, Michael said he would support me no matter what, but I didn’t want any of that because I didn’t want that to be the reason our relationship existed,” Jodie, who was a cleaner at the time, says.

“I had a cesarean on a Friday and I went back to work on a Tuesday. I didn’t want to be put in a position to rely on anyone. For the first few years, I didn’t allow him to pay for anything for our daughter, and that made him so uncomfortable. I even hid my cards in a safe because I was so afraid of what might happen.”

“We don’t have any joint accounts”

While Jodie and Michael are now married with a joint mortgage and blissfully happy with their blended families, Jodie has insisted that their finances remain completely separate.

“We don’t have any joint accounts,” the mom-of-five says.

“We split the mortgage halfway, then I pay for some things and he pays for some things. We just take it in turns. What he spends the rest on is his business. My children (from previous relationships) live with us so I like to pay for more things, even though he doesn’t feel that’s necessary, and always offers to buy more of what comes into the house. I still feel uncomfortable about someone supporting me, even though he’s the best man I could ask for.”

Jodie is intent on retaining her independence so much that she and Michael don’t even know what each other earns.

“From the beginning, I said, ‘I don’t want anything from you and I want to support myself and my family, so we don’t need to know how much each of us makes’,” she explains.

“I just want to be financially independent. I want to safeguard myself from anyone trying to take control of anything over me.”

“He’s never asked me for anything”

Understanding Jodie’s DV history, Michael agreed, and the pair have managed to never argue about money in their entire relationship.

“It’s never been an issue for him,” Jodie, who works full-time as a CFMEU delegate for a labor hire company, says.

“He’s never asked me for anything. I even got a new job recently and told him I got a pay rise, but he never asked what that was or for anything to change.”

When Jodie was off work for 10 months last year due to spinal surgery, Michael happily pitched in extra to cover the bills – but it was Jodie who felt uncomfortable relying on another person.

Being in a loving, supportive relationship is something she is still very much getting used to after all these years.

“That was the most difficult conversation we’ve had because it makes me feel very vulnerable to ask for help,” she says emotionally.

“I’ve had to learn that this relationship is different to those in the past. He’s a really good guy and I’m so lucky.”