These acts are 50 shades of cray.
Making whoopie might seem like the pinnacle of pleasure; however, certain romantic-seeming sex acts can make it so that “love stinks.” As a service to prospective rompers, salacious social media users have listed the worst sexual situations, some of which could even prove dangerous.
The taboo topic came to light via a raunchy Reddit forum, in which users were asked, “What’s something sexual that you are NEVER doing again?”
While movies often depict the shower as a hanky panky paradise, the automated rainmaker was far and away the most reviled setting for romping, according to the responses.
“Shower sex bent over made me dizzy like I’d pass out,” said one partaker while describing a steamy situation.
Another wrote, “Bro I have to a slight squat for shower sex and between holding that position and thrusting, I need to sit down after. Sometimes my hearing and vision go in and out.”
Another claimed he fractured his ribs and hit his head on a ceramic shelf — not what they meant by “hurts so good.”
Interestingly, both sex and hot showers have been linked to vasovagal syncope, a drop in blood pressure that can cause light-headedness and fainting.
That’s because the “vagus nerve, which regulates heart rate and blood vessel constriction temporarily loses normal regulation due to overstimulation,” Medical News Today writes. “As a result, the blood vessels widen, blood pressure drops, and the person faints.”
They added, “After an orgasm, a person may lie down or feel a rush of emotions that increase the risk of vagus nerve overstimulation. If a person uses drugs during sex, these may also play a role.”
So when one combines sex and showering, this could potentially cause a perfect storm for passing out.
In fact, sexperts have advised against getting frisky under the spritzer as, along with fainting, partakers could potentially slip and fall.
Not to mention that showering paradoxically dries people out by washing away natural lubricant. Also, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t immunize people against sexually transmitted diseases and can even make condoms less effective by causing them to slip off.
By a similar token, sex on the beach is also not as idyllic as it sounds, Redditors claim. “You will forget about the sand, but then you will quickly remember the sand,” said one, while another wrote, “It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.”
Not only is the seaside super gritty, but studies have shown that beach sand contains up to 100 times more fecal matter than seawater.
In fact, people should probably avoid frolicking in the outdoors altogether; it’s not the orgy Garden of Eden people think it is. One sexperimenter advised against getting intimate “in the woods” due to the plethora of “mosquito bites.”
“Sex in the woods in the dark…worst experience I’ve ever had,” recalled another recalling one freaky accident. “It was a bush party and we wandered off drunk into the woods…we ended up on the ground …next morning I had blisters the side of eggs on my knees and forearms from POISON OAK….I had to go to the hospital it was so bad.”
Other runner-up terrible sex situations included receiving oral sex after the provider ate a mint — due to the burning sensation — and sex with a colleague after hours on the boss’s desk (it’s literally not safe for work).
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