A new mom has shared a brilliant explanation as to why a birthing mother might let her parents into the hospital to see her newborn, but not her in-laws.
TikTok user Bri Knight has shared a number of videos expressing the importance of nurturing a mother during her vulnerable postpartum period.
But it’s one of her clips about it being OK to not let a partner’s parents into a birthing suite, or hospital, to visit after the birth that has divided users online.
The US mom starts the video by answering a question asking if it was “unfair” for a pregnant mom to let her parents visit after birth, but refuse the in-laws.
She replied that it wasn’t, and gave a good argument why.
“I do think people forget what postpartum is like, they forget the blood, pain, stitches, the pooping situation, ice packs, witch hazel, hemorrhoids, you get the idea,” she says.
“You can’t control your farts after you give birth, leakage going on, you don’t smell that great, your emotions are up and down, they are all over the place, you’re so overwhelmed… you are raw.”
Bri explained after the birth of her son, she only wanted people around her – like her mother, sisters and aunty – who could help her to the bathroom, and “change your pad situation”.
“I don’t think you should feel pressure to have visitors at all, unless you feel comfortable having your tits out nursing your baby in front of them,” she says.
“I think every postpartum mom deserves to feel like she’s in newborn heaven, like the people around her 100 per cent support her, and will take care of her, she doesn’t have to cover herself up for anybody.
“Just exist and be happy and love her little newborn and enjoy her family growing.”
The comment section was filled with horror stories from other moms about unwanted guests and imposing in-laws during birth and postpartum.
“After my first, my in laws were in my room 15 min after I gave birth and I was bleeding all over the place, it was horrifying,” on scarred mother wrote.
A second said, “My FIL and MIL held and posted Facebook photos before I even got to hold my daughter for the 1st time. It was awful.”
While a third user wrote, “I let my MIL in during the delivery and she brings up my tearing every time she gets a chance. Listen to your gut”
Someone else said they “wish I would have thought about all of this before having my only baby. MIL and BIL ruined my time in the hospital.”
Others explained why they too only let their parents in to see the baby.
“The difference I try to explain to my husband is that my parents are there for me, I’m their baby girl and his parents are there for our baby,” one person wrote.
However, others were taken aback by the approach.
“So wrong. The baby is as much the father’s as it is yours. Hide yourself in the bathroom. But allowing everyone to visit except his parents is wrong,” one person said.
While another called Bri a “selfish b**tch”.
The original poster was not bothered, adding that a new mother is entitled to make decisions without question.
“It is delusional to me that anybody could even try and pretend that their feelings about somebody else’s baby’s birth are more important than the person giving birth, or the partners. Do your thing,” she said.
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