My narcissist ex cut our son’s hair really short to hurt me — and it worked

A recent post in an Australian mum’s Facebook group sheds light on a heart-wrenching situation that many separated parents dread: navigating the actions of a narcissistic ex-partner who intentionally changes a child’s appearance to hurt the other parent.

The post by the anonymous woman outlines how her ex’s decision to cut her son’s beloved long hair has left her completely distraught.

Fellow mums flooded the thread with support and empathy for the woman as well as giving their much-needed advice. 

“He knows I love his long hair so much”

“My narcissist ex finally did what I was petrified he would do and cut my son’s hair really short,” she begins. “He knows I love his long hair so much and he even liked it himself but now it’s about whatever he can do to hurt me. I am distraught.”

She then told her fellow group members, “Please don’t tell me it’s just hair, it was important to me, it was so beautiful, I loved it so much and he did this just to get to me.”

The mum then says she felt like she was “waiting for this to happen” because she had “seen other women say that it has happened to them.”

She then asks, “Is there any kind of court order or something I can do to prevent this in the future? I have another son who also has the most gorgeous hair and I am petrified that he will be next.

“And if not a court order is there a way some of you have managed to come to an agreement with your narcissist ex to stop this from happening? It’s a long shot but I’ll take any advice from mums who have been through this.”

“Reverse psychology is your best friend”

Her post now has nearly 170 comments and has sadly resonated with a lot of other parents. 

“Don’t let this rub off on your child though, praise your kiddo for his lovely hair,” the top comment read. 

Then this person suggested, “Act like you love it. And ask him to continue taking him to a barber. He won’t want to pay for it and if he thinks you like it he won’t. It’s worth a try.”

And another user agreed, adding: “When dealing with a narc – reverse psychology is your best friend… act like you love what you hate and hate what you love! The reason for this… a narc works on psychological warfare – you gotta play UNO reverse pre-emptively.”

The OP responded to those women by saying, “He already knows how much I obsess over my son’s long hair though,” to which one of the women replied, “Why not try saying something like, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t realise how much short hair would open up his face and show off his beautiful eyes… I never thought I would say this – but it actually looks great. Who knew!’”

Then someone else commented, “I’m so sorry, I completely understand. In my court orders we now have that my youngest (who had/sort of has remnants of beautiful blonde curls) has to get his hair cut every three months (he insists) but my place of choice. Therefore, I take my bubby and just get his curls tidied and fringe out the eyes so he’s comfy. So yes, totally doable to get into court orders. Expect to pay a lot in legal fees to deal with that topic though, it’s ridiculous.”

Then someone else admitted, “This is one of my worst nightmares. It’s going in my consent orders that there are to be no modifications to my son’s appearance unless agreed upon by both parents. Hopefully, you can add this to yours.”

Then finally, the OP responded to all the comments, “Thank you so much girls, I cannot stop crying, I think you can only understand this pain when you go through it, I am devastated.”