The raunchy way vets cure tortoise constipation: ‘Vibrate the s – – t out of her’

One could call it “sex-lax.”

A California veterinarian raised eyebrows after devising an unorthodox way to relieve a tortoise’s constipation — by administering a pair of vibrators to facilitate the feces.

A giggle-inducing video detailing the backed up bomb-“shell” is currently creating ample online buzz.

“This is actually a very normal and often used technique,” Emily Cehrs, a vet at the Safari West wildlife preserve in Santa Rosa, told Caters News Agency of her unlikely scat extraction technique.

The would-be Dr. Poo-little recently applied the method to Raisin, one of the park’s tortoises, who was struggling to go No. 2.

Cehrs, 31, detailed her buzzing ablution aid in the aforementioned No. 2-torial to her more than 30,000 TikTok followers, which showed the determined vet lifting up the reptile to reveal two pulsating vibrators strapped to it like improvised sexplosive devices.

“How do you fix a constipated tortoise?” the animal-lover asked. “Well, you attach vibrators to the bottom of its shell and you let her walk around for ten minutes. So I literally vibrated the s – – t out of her.”

Thankfully, the battery-operated dildos did the trick: “Thanks to the vibrators, Raisin is defecating more and on x-rays, her feces are slowly moving through her,” gushed Cehrs.

“So it is working successfully.”

This laxative method specifically works by triggering peristalsis, the wave-like muscle contractions that help pass food through the digestive system, per WebMD.

Last year, the US Food and Drug Administration recently approved the use of Vibrant, a vibrating pill that achieves the same affect in humans sans the need of a dancing dildo.

“Our vision is to accelerate the transition to drug-free treatments that enable millions of constipation patients to live more enjoyable lives by inventing solutions that synchronize and activate the body’s natural gut-brain connection,” said Lior Ben Tsur, CEO of Vibrant Gastro, in a statement earlier this year.

The pill is prescribed to be taken every day around bedtime, allowing it to travel the same route into your body as food does — buzzing throughout the stomach and small intestine — and reaching the large intestine about 14 hours later.

Unfortunately, while high-tech, stool-propelling vibrators might sound like an innovative constipation remedy, they’re not often used due to the stigma of using a sex toy as a laxative, Cehrs said.

“It’s just not talked about much in polite society,” lamented Cehrs, who admittedly found it uncomfortable explaining the charges on her company credit card.

“As far as reaction from the staff at our zoo, everyone is used to the treatment protocol now, but there were a lot of laughs and awkward conversations at the beginning.”