Dear Abby: My ‘meddlesome’ mother in law has two insurance policies on me

DEAR ABBY: I’ve recently discovered that my mother-in-law has two life insurance policies on me, neither of which I knew about, and one of which is close to 20 years old. I never asked nor authorized her to take out these policies, and I am very concerned. 

We do not have a good relationship. She isn’t welcome in my life or our home because she is disrespectful and meddlesome. My husband has very little to do with her but doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that she took it upon herself to get these policies. Because she sells insurance, she makes it seem like it’s no big deal, but it is to me. 

I have my own insurance and have for all of my adult life (I am nearing 50), and I’m appalled at the idea of her collecting a payout from my demise. She has never provided us a copy of the policies, nor do we know who the beneficiaries are. In fact, we know of their existence only because she let it slip in a conversation when we told her that because she is so rude and disrespectful, we are limiting our contact with her. 

Am I crazy, or are my concerns justified? Is it even legal for her to have these? Why is she wagering on my dying before her? — LIFE INSURED IN NEVADA

DEAR LIFE INSURED: You have my sympathy. Your mother-in-law appears to be a handful. Discuss this with your own insurance agent. Explain what you have learned and ask whether what your mother-in-law has done is legal, because it may not be. That she is in the insurance business makes this even worse. That you became aware of this information during an “unpleasant” conversation strikes me as possible retaliation for telling her something she didn’t want to hear. She may even be lying about it.

Your insurance agent can explain what remedies can be taken to correct this if it is true. If she is a licensed broker who has done something illegal, she could lose her license.

DEAR ABBY: I have been alienated from my daughter, “Bonnie,” for 30 years. Her mother and I divorced, and I remarried. Bonnie was in her late teens and early 20s at the time. For a time, she lived with me, my new wife and my wife’s daughter. Bonnie was an absolute “queen” and thought we should defer to her every wish. She offered no help around the house and paid no rent. 

I finally asked her to leave. It was either get her out of the house or lose my new wife. Later, Bonnie married and asked me to come to her wedding, but not bring my wife. I told her, “Sorry, I won’t be there.” She was angry at me for it and still is, according to her brother. 

I have written her off but have been encouraged by a friend to try and reconnect with her. I think Bonnie has a grudge, and it would be useless to attempt reconciliation and open myself up to more pain from being around her. I think she’s stuck in what happened 30 years ago and isn’t about to let go. Your opinion, please? — DEJECTED DAD IN OREGON

DEAR DAD: Has this friend or Bonnie’s brother given you any impression that Bonnie would like to reconcile with you and your wife? If the answer is yes, give it a try. If not, let sleeping dogs lie.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.