Dear Abby: My toxic mother-in-law is putting my marriage in danger

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 25 years. Right now, our marriage is in trouble because I have been ordered to rekindle a relationship with his mother, whom I haven’t spoken to in six years.

In my opinion, the woman is toxic. For 17 years, she has essentially stabbed me in the back. At my husband’s request, I forgave her each time. I love him, but I have come to realize he always takes her side. In his eyes, she can do no wrong.

Six years ago, we had an issue regarding her spanking my children. I asked to meet in a neutral location to discuss it, but she and my husband’s stepfather refused. To resolve the situation, I agreed to meet at their home under one condition: If an argument began, my husband and I would leave. We even drove there separately.

Upon our arrival, my father-in-law began screaming at me, so I left, and I’ve had no contact with my in-laws since. My husband says if his mother goes to her grave without this issue being resolved, he’ll never forgive me. I told him I did nothing wrong and I have no intention of rekindling a relationship with his mother.

To top it off, my husband and his mother have been putting ideas into one of our children’s heads, and now he is telling me I make everything awkward and I should fix the problem. Help! — GANGED UP ON

DEAR GANGED UP ON: In California, it is against the law to hit a child. If Granny’s old-fashioned method of discipline is ongoing, you cannot reconcile with her, and the children should be kept away from her.

If this was a one-time incident, tell your husband you will forgive his backstabbing witch of a mother one last time. However, if she raises a hand to one of the children again, you will call child protective services and a lawyer because she’s a menace.

DEAR ABBY: I need help deciding whether I should attend a wedding. I avoid crowds for health reasons. My son’s girlfriend’s older sister is getting married. Although my son has been seeing his girlfriend for more than seven years, I have never met any of her family, nor have I been invited to any events. I suspect it may be career-related, although I’m now retired. The bridal couple is requiring all guests, male and female, to wear black. I don’t own a black suit. My guess is this invitation is a cash call. Your thoughts? — UNDECIDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNDECIDED: Because you do not know your son’s girlfriend’s family and don’t want to buy a black suit, in addition to the fact that you avoid crowds for health reasons, you are off the hook. If you do receive a formal invitation, send your regrets and a nice card wishing the joyful couple a lifetime of happiness together.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.