Find your village as a new parent and create a support network

Now that you have a newborn, you need all the help you can get.

“There are two keys to finding solid support as a new parent. The first is to force yourself out the door. The second is to acknowledge and embrace that parenting is a messy business,” said Manhattan’s Dr. Maggie C. Vaughan, LMFT, PhD and head of youth transformation at tapouts, a virtual life skills program for kids and teens.

That said, when parents finds themselves struggling, they often feel ashamed and inadequate, per Vaughan, making it hard for them to reach out for help.

“For some parents, especially those without family and friends nearby, it can be hard to know where to look for support,” she said. “Combined with other stressors like fatigue, financial concerns or mental health difficulties, the task of seeking out support may feel just about impossible.”

“Parenting can feel very isolating, especially in the first year,” echoed Melissa Bykofsky, executive editor at What to Expect, a parenting resource and mobile app, known for its flagship publication “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (Workman Publishing Company). The parenting expert pointed to their 2022 research of more than 3,000 moms, which found that 75% of them don’t have enough support in the form of a “village.”

Bykofsky, who moved to Forest Hills a week before her baby was born in November 2020, said the cold weather didn’t make it easy to get outside and meet other new parents. “I was lucky to have a few friends who had their first babies around the same time as I did, but they didn’t live in my neighborhood,” she said. “Our friendship mostly existed through early morning or late night texts, but these moms were my lifeline during the moments when I questioned everything as a new parent.”

The bright side: it doesn’t have to be that way. Thankfully, finding and accessing resources and support groups in the Big Apple and virtually has never been easier. Ahead, expert tips to build your parenting pack and helpful resources for the sleep-deprived set.

Throw a nesting party

According to What to Expect, nesting parties, thrown for the new parents rather than the baby, are on the rise for 2024 — and with good reason.

“Everyone comes together to help the expecting parents nest at home: filling the freezer with meals, organizing the nursery closet, building the crib — anything that needs to happen before the baby arrives,” said Bykofsky. “If you didn’t do this during pregnancy, it’s not too late to host a nesting party after the baby arrives. In lieu of a traditional sip-and-see party, where people come over to meet the baby, invite everyone over in shifts with the expectation that they will help with laundry, cooking or other baby-friendly tasks.”

Get what you actually need from loved ones

For many seeking help as a new parent, half the battle is activating your existing village. Don’t beat around the bush when it comes to expressing what would help you at a given moment.

“Be specific about what you need, whether it’s moral support or housekeeping, so your network can effectively help,” said Vaughan. “And, don’t worry — people feel good when they support others, so you’ll be helping them, too!”

Similarly, Bykofsky advises that before you have guests over, make a list of what you are hoping to get done while your visitors are over. “That way you don’t forget anything you need, and your expectations are set from the moment they enter your home,” she said. “Say you would like to take a shower, ask if they can boil water for a pasta dinner or chop a salad. Need something from the outside world? Ask them to pick it up on their way over.”

Connect with peers and pros

Support from other city swaddlers is just a few clicks away.

“New parenting groups are easy to find on Facebook and Meetup,” said Vaughan, noting that NYC Meetups are highly active and offer social support and a place to share parenting ideas and concerns. You can also connect with fellow city dwellers in the What to Expect NYC forum.

Don’t be shy about taking things from online to offline with local parents you know from your real life (remember that?) even if it’s just a tangential connection. Vaughan especially likes the idea of resource swaps, in which parents exchange toys, books, clothing or food.

On the cooking front, “Parents can do this easily by tripling or quadrupling a family-friendly recipe they’re already making and distributing it among the group in freezable portions,” she said.

Additionally, You can find your iVillage with platforms like ShareWell ($15 per month) and Cooper ($49 per month). The former is a peer support platform with live groups covering topics like parenting challenges, postpartum depression and anxiety, and more. The latter was co-founded by two moms who met in an NYC parenting group and were frustrated by the lack of expert-backed parenting advice online.

In short, Cooper matches parents based on their child’s age, family structure and more — creating a group of 12 or fewer who meet monthly with a licensed parenting professional. The company also offers twice-weekly “office hours” where parents can connect with experts about what’s on their minds and the option to attend in-person events in the NYC tri-state area.

For something free, the National Parent Helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, via calling or texting 855-427-2736. Operated by the national nonprofit Parents Anonymous, the hotline also serves youth up to age 25, and will help provide you with important information, emotional support and referrals to other services.

Don’t forget Dad

Dads often get overlooked in the first few months of a baby’s life, but they need to create community, too. New York City’s Fathering Together’s City Dads Program provides meetups in all five boroughs (most are free).

The service runs both online video chats and in-person meetups at parks, playgrounds, museums and more. The organization also hosts dad-only coffee hangs, meals and Dad’s Nights Out.

Help your little one make their first friends

It’s important to introduce your youngster to other tots as soon as you can. “What’s most important in helping kids make friends is to model appropriate social behavior. Children learn through observation and imitate parents’ expressions of kindness and empathy,” said Vaughan, elaborating that arranging regular play dates will give your child an opportunity to practice social skills. “The more they engage with other kids, the more effectively they learn pro-social behaviors like sharing and listening.”

Local centers like the JCC and YMCA often organize play dates and parenting workshops, creating an easy way for both baby and caregiver to bond with others. Another route is to beeline it to your local library’s story time sessions, which Bykofsky praises as great free activities for your child that won’t just entertain them but also introduce them to other children.

“Not to mention, as your child makes friends, you may get acquainted with new parents as well,” she added.

The parenting editor is also a fan of seeking out early baby classes in your community. “I signed up for baby music and Zumba classes at Commonpoint Queens when my son was 6 months old and some of the kids he met in that group are now in his 3K class.”

Another good place to look? Your local yoga studio for daddy- or mommy-and-me-style yoga classes, said Bykofsky.

And the venerable park stroll is a staple in a new parent’s arsenal for a reason. Whether you’re wheeling them off to Sutton Place Park or Riverside Park, just pack your diaper bag and go.

“Sure, your baby will likely be too young to actually play with other kids in these settings, but you will have a chance to meet other new parents and exchange numbers to set up one-on-one play dates or play groups,” said Bykofsky.