One dating app has made a huge step with the inclusion of a new feature to keep up with an emerging relationship style recently hitting headlines thanks to Abbie Chatfield.
Hinge included a “relationship type” addition where people can reveal if they are looking for or are in a non-monogamous relationship, looking for monogamy or are unsure of what they are comfortable with.
The new feature sits with details such as your age or occupation.
At this stage, users can’t use this feature to filter out based on relationship type like they can with things such as sexuality or age.
While a staggering 86 percent of people claim to want monogamous relationships, there is an emerging trend for this dating style – also known as ENM or polyamory – among the LGBTQIA+ community and Gen Z.
Essentially, the relationship style takes on many forms but, at its core, is the idea that both partners in a relationship experience romantic or sexual attraction to more than one person and act on it.
Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge, told news.com.au there are many misconceptions about non-monogamy, such as it means cheating or people practicing have commitment issues.
She added that just because you’re in this relationship style doesn’t mean you can’t cheat – with every relationship there are rules and boundaries.
Ury added there also needed to be clear boundaries and research before embarking into non-monogamy.
“Explore why you’re interested in non-monogamy. The foundation of successful and healthy non-monogamous relationships is honesty,” she told news.com.au.
“You need to be able to communicate with your partner from the beginning about what you’re comfortable with, what your boundaries are, how you’ll handle any potential breaches of trust, etc. Start by discussing why you’re both in this topic.
“Perhaps you both want to explore emotional or physical intimacy with more people. Perhaps you’re interested in exploring relationships with people of various genders.
“If your answers sound more like ‘all our friends are doing it’ or ‘this will solve our issues,’ do not pass go.
“Non-monogamy is not an effective way to hide from your relationship issues. In fact, it will often magnify them.”
She said when starting, it’s important to educate yourself by reading books such as Opening Up: A Guide To Creating & Sustaining Open Relationships to get a clear understanding, as well as speak to people you know who are practicing.
Ury added it was important to define what non-monogamy is to you.
“Unlike traditional monogamous relationships, non-monogamy has much more room for interpretation. If you asked eight couples what their non-monogamous relationships looked like, you might get eight different answers because there is no strict definition,” she said.
“For some couples, they’re OK with an occasional makeout when someone is at a conference out of town, but not much more. Other couples have rules against sleeping with someone in their extended group of friends.
“A friend of mine can sleep with other people, but not more than once. These rules need to be defined upfront.”
She said conversations around protection, contraception and the sharing of knowledge about your partner’s dating also need to be shared.
But, at the end of the day, making time for your primary and having regular check-ins is the key to tackling a new adventure together.
With celebrities such as Chatfield being open and honest about her relationship style with her former boyfriend, it led to many people having a reference point in pop culture for what non-monogamy looked like.
This, Ury said, was incredibly important for others to feel comfortable.
“When celebrities in non-monogamous relationships share their stories, it sparks important conversations about the ins and outs of these structures,” Logan said.
“It inspires other people to explore new possibilities, and find the relationship type that’s right for them.”
While other apps such as OKCupid and Feeld have had features like this, even including a section where you can link profiles with your partner, Hinge is the first mainstream app to acknowledge differing relationship styles formally.
Ury said an uptick in queries about non-monogamy led to the app including relationship types.
“At Hinge, we like to think holistically how to serve daters’ unique experiences and identities. Ultimately, we want to empower our users to find intentional and meaningful relationships,” she said.
“When you match with someone and find out that one person is looking for monogamy and the other person isn’t, that can be pretty disheartening.
“Our new feature will allow everyone to see at a glance on profiles whether the other person has the same relationship goals.”