Jerry Seinfeld, comedian and denier of hugs, argues: “What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked at the end of it.”
Big truths, Jer Bear, big truths.
And yet, despite the oscillating feelings of hope and despair that accompany a first date, people en masse remain willing to walk into that all-night interview.
As with all dealings, personal, professional and dubious, preparation is paramount. After you get your back waxed, teeth whitened and your criminal record sealed, there are other ways to assemble your A-game.
TikTok star Karla Elia has a simple but effective rule for first date conversations: “Don’t talk about your past — talk about your dreams.”
In terms of time investment, recent polls suggest a first date should last a little less than three hours (2.72), with most respondents reporting that it takes four dates to feel comfortable with a person.
Polled peeps reported that nerves kept them from feeling good going into the gauntlet of a first date, using alcohol, accessories and a familiar location to combat the jitters.
The sauce is a dicey diversion, however — almost half (46%) of respondents find drinking too much on a first date to be a turn-off. (It’s a fine line between relaxed and black-out, folks.)
If the hellscape of dating, moderating your alcohol consumption and the prospect of staring at a stranger across a cafe table is too much to bear, take heart, because there’s always the self-love, single on purpose, pleasure as birthright practice of “masterdating.”
Go ahead and buy yourself flowers, Miley Cyrus — and order dessert first.
Another way to calm the nerves and strategize success is to determine the zodiac sign of your date and plan accordingly. Assisting us in the astrology of first dates is Iva Naskova an astrologer at Nebula, an astro-based relationship platform.
As Naskova explains, “If you’re looking for some guidance on what to expect from your potential partner, understanding the unique qualities and personalities of each astrological sign can be helpful. This article provides insight into the distinctive traits of each sign so you can either brace yourself for a delightful surprise or impress your partner with your preparedness.”
Read on to learn more.
“On a first date with an Aries, expect honesty, openness, and directness. They won’t fake interest. If they’re engaging in conversation or ordering another drink, it means they’re enjoying the date,” explains Naskova.
Also expect them to challenge you with an outlandish question or a suggestive dare. These are people that like to test limits and get a read on how much wild abandon and absolute insanity another person can handle straight out the gate.
I once had a first date with an Aries that began with him offering me cocaine and casually wondering aloud if I was athletic enough to dine and dash. Couth? No. Memorable? Absolutely.
“Taurus on a date? Expect the best. They pick the perfect location, food, drinks, and entertainment. They’ll notice details like perfume or jewelry. If it goes well, a second date will come fast,” promises Naskova….and if the second date is a success they’re likely to start merging assets and picking out interior paint colors in their minds.
Taurus is about comfort and minimizing waste so if they think you’re a worthy investment they’re apt to put their chips in (but never share their fries). We see this all-in approach in Travis Scott, who invited Kylie Jenner to go on tour with him after their first date at Coachella.
Geminis are naturally curious and fall back on inquiry and dad jokes when nervous. They, more than any other sign, assume the role of interviewer during a first date. Asking a barrage of questions is their way of evaluating/measuring the compatibility of their date while remaining at a certain clinical distance.
World class Gemini and fellow astrologer Chris McNulty describes the energy he brings to a first date, “I am thinking about the connection I am making with my date as well as the constellation of connections I will make through them. I am considering how this person will or will not fit into the larger story of my life.” Flip the script on this air sign by going one for one on the interview questions, keep a few bangers from Proust in your back pocket and prepare to impress.
Cancer folk play it close to the vest on a first date. That metaphorical crustacean shell translates to a wariness about new people. When everything holds the potential to hurt you, you bundle up and hunker down, folks.
As Naskova explains, “Approaching every new relationship with reservation is something that comes naturally to Cancer. So, if you’re on a first date with them, it’s important to note that they might be cautious with you at first. But don’t get discouraged! They just need a little time to get to know you.”
Cancer is the sign of root systems and the past, as such they can be successfully courted using throwback dates; roller skating, swing sets, ice cream, go karts, mini golf, making out behind the bleachers etc. Remind them of a time before they learned what people are capable of and they will prove more willing to take a tentative step in your direction.
On a first date, Leos really lean (roar?) into their role as child stars turned benevolent rulers. They will appear disarmingly warm and enthusiastic.
“Leos are renowned for their charm, and this is especially evident on first dates. It’s best to embrace their undivided attention and interest. As you become accustomed to their warmth, you’ll begin to appreciate their sincerity,” says Naskova.
Lions default to self-aggrandizement and/or deprecation when nervous. Knowing this ahead of time will help you recognize it for the vulnerability it is and gently redirect. Rulers of the fifth house of pleasure and play, they love games of chance, comedy, get-to-know-you questions and carnival atmospheres. Feed them funnel cake at the roller derby and you’re on the right track. Little known fact: they’d rather make you laugh than be looked at.
“A Virgo’s approach to first dates is practical rather than emotional. They focus on determining if the partnership will work and tend to ask practical questions to assess compatibility. So, if you feel like you are being evaluated, it is because you are,” argues Naskova. This process of evaluation is not in any way meant to be harmful, only efficient.
The operational mantra of Virgo is “how can I help,” and they need to be in a partnership in which they feel essential and essentially helpful. On a first date they are not judging you, they are deciding if and how they might be of service, and in turn how that service might lend you betterment and them purpose.
Naskvoka deftly notes, “Libras are charming and can make you feel like they’re into you, even on the first date. But don’t mistake their eagerness for long-term commitment. If they’re interested, they’ll let you know.”
Libras lead with charm regardless of whether they’re serious about follow through. They want everyone to love them but that want is not an indication of actual interest or investment. Libras are turned off by poor manners and won over by clever conversation and people that smell rich. Be smart with a well heeled bohemian approach to sexual fidelity and they’ll be calling you back with the quickness.
“Scorpios are known for their intense desire to make a lasting impression. They often go to great lengths to impress someone on their first date, from selecting the perfect restaurant to dressing in their finest attire; Scorpio is committed to making a powerful first impression and winning over their date,” explains Naskova.
We see this vibe in the strategy of Scorpio Goldie Hawn, whose first date with Kurt Russell included dancing at the Playboy Club, breaking and entering, getting busted having sex by the police and a hotel sleepover. It works if you work it.
Sagittarius is ruled by gas giant Jupiter, planet of luck and go-big-or-go-home. Impatient like all fire signs, archers like to throw in an unexpected adventure on a first date to see if a potential partner can hang. Anti-status quo folk who are out for experience, they might go off-script and suggest an aimless walkabout, live music, an open mic night or a psychedelic trip.
The best you can do is be along for the ride.
Evidence of this fast and loose energy can be found in the dating style of archer Offset, who took future wife Cardi B to the Super Bowl on their first date. He explained on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” in 2021, “I went big. I wanted to do something that was not normally done.” True to the nature of his sun sign, he bet big too. “I lost $10,000 that night, too, … but you know what I won? My wife.” Score.
“Capricorns value authenticity and are good at detecting when someone is fake. So don’t try to impress them by being someone you’re not, as they’ll notice and lose interest. Be yourself on your date with a Capricorn,” Naskova urges.
The beautiful thing about a sea goat is that they will reciprocate your authenticity and meet you in the field of the true. Patron saints of striving, Capricorns don’t care who you are or where you come from so long as your work ethic is strong, your baggage is minimal and your momentum is forward. Capricorns view all relationships as a kind of business arrangement and they want to be clear about what they can offer and what they expect.
We see this expressed in the first date style of Viola Davis’s Cap husband Julius Tennon. As the actress recalls, “He was absolutely honest about his past, and then he brought me home and he just said, ‘You are a very beautiful and nice woman, and it was a pleasure spending time with you. And he shook my hand.” Laying it on the table and sealing it with a handshake? Pure Cap swagger.
“Aquarians appreciate having intellectual conversations with their partners. On first dates, they prefer to delve right into significant topics after exchanging brief pleasantries. This lets them quickly determine if their partner’s values align with theirs,” Naskova says.
Aquarians tend to lead with their weird, as a kind of litmus test. How else are they to separate the plebeians from their space penguin soul mate? Example: I bet my eyebrows that dude who showed up in full Ren Fair regalia, chainmail and all to his first date with Jenny Slate was an Aquarius.
In the most Pisces sentence of all time, fish native Anaïs Nin writes, “I must be a mermaid…I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”
You can apply this wisdom to what to expect on a first date with a Pisces; they have no interest in the topical or the ordinary.
Be present, maintain eye contact, tip heavily and do not use your phone — unless it is to share something you wrote/thought/read. If you feel like you are faltering, take them to an aquarium and ask them what they think happens after we die.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
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