Surprising tactic may be keeping couples’ sex lives alive, new survey finds

Absence makes the heart grow fonder — and sex drive stronger, a new study finds.

A survey of 2,500 Americans conducted by sex wellness brand Lovehoney examined personal sex drives, frequency, and relationship satisfaction.

The findings reveal a nation in a sexual slump: More than half of Americans (55%) engage in sex less often than they would like, while a mere 30% report being fully satisfied with their intimate routine.

However, an unconventional living arrangement could be the key to reigniting the spark.

According to the survey, the highest sex drives belong to people in committed relationships who live apart, averaging a score of 6.58 out of 10 in self-reported sex drive ratings. That tops cohabitating partners (5.90), married couples (5.76) and singles (5.68).

Nearly 73% of non-cohabiting, committed respondents reported experiencing sexual desire multiple times a day. Still, couples sharing a roof report having sex more frequently overall — likely driven by sheer proximity.

If “practical barriers” were removed, 36% of respondents said they would ideally have sex several times a week, while 21% would choose to do it daily.

The lifestyle choice — known in relationship jargon as “Living Apart Together” (LAT) — is raved about by couples who claim it increases passion and diminishes boredom. Feelings of longing and missing your partner seem to increase their libido.

Couples who embrace LAT say they see major benefits like heightened excitement and reduced relationship redundancy, according to social psychologist Dr. Samantha Joel.

The trend has also taken over TikTok, where creators say living alone is their ultimate secret to relationship longevity.

TikTok creator Loran Elise explained to her followers that LAT is tailored for couples who are monogamous and deeply in love, but value personal space. She and her husband live in separate homes, a move she says fostered individual growth and elevated their bond. She referred to the practice as having your cake and eating it too.

“Getting to miss your partner spices up the relationship,” Elise shared in a clip. “We don’t get bored of the redundancy of seeing each other every day.” Elise made her LAT content a series on her page to share her journey authentically.

And many celebrities also vouch for the arrangement.

Actor Brian Cox and his wife, Nicole Ansari-Cox, maintain primary residences that are a nine-minute walk apart in London’s Primrose Hill. At their homes in Brooklyn and upstate New York, they keep separate bedrooms.

“I think if we’re thrown together, we feel locked together, and that’s not a good creative relationship,” Brian Cox previously told The Times of London.

TV anchor Robin Roberts and her wife, Amber Laign, lived separately for nearly a decade prior to tying the knot, crediting the space as the secret behind their marriage’s longevity to E! News.

The study did find that the states with the highest sex drive did not have the most sex.

How intimate habits stack up state-by-state:

• Highest Sex Drive: Delaware tops the nation with an average sex drive score of 6.51 out of 10, followed closely by Virginia at 6.47.
• Most Partnered Sex: New Mexico leads with 9.96 encounters per month — roughly 72% higher than the national average of 5.79.
• Most Solo Action: Texas respondents report masturbating more frequently than any other state.
• Most Preoccupied: Residents in Montana are the most likely to think about sex multiple times a day.
• Highest Satisfaction: New Hampshire takes the crown for overall sexual satisfaction.