DEAR ABBY: I am in love with my best friend, “Mitch.” He’s a father of three great girls. He works hard but can’t handle his finances. His brother has to do it for him or nothing would get paid and his daughters wouldn’t get what they need. Mitch has ADHD. He can’t settle down.
We tried dating, but he cheated on me. We didn’t talk for months, and then started talking again and things are good, even in the bedroom. But some days, he clams up and won’t talk to me at all. Then, when he wants something, he will call me. Mitch wanted a 55-inch TV, so I got it for him. Then he wanted the new Xbox which, again, I bought. He makes twice as much as I do. Last week, he took off to see a girl and lied to me about it, saying he was “working out of town.”
Mitch is coming home this weekend and wants to see me. I know what he wants — sex. Yes, the sex is great, but I think he is using me. He’s 38; I’m 43. When we are together, we are good, but then he turns cold and doesn’t talk to me for days. What do you think? — USED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR USED: Please reread your letter a few times. If you continue to see Mitch, hoping he will change, you are lost in a fantasy. The person you describe is dishonest, and he’s using and milking you for everything he can get. Once you shut your wallet and cross your legs, he will disappear. Count on that. Please, for your own sake, make it soon.
DEAR ABBY: I am a man who has been wearing lingerie for the past few decades. I discovered my love of panties when I slipped into my first pair at 17. At 22, I discovered the fun and sexiness of bras and other lingerie, and I wear them under my men’s clothing.
I have gone through periods of love and alternating shame for being an “underdresser.” I have confided this to a few women in my life and received mixed responses. Some were appalled; others were OK with it. My wife is in the first category. I told her while we were dating and modeled some for her. She thought it was “weird.”
I tried, for her sake, to repress my desire to wear lingerie, but it has returned recently. I have been buying panties, bras and other items and wear them only at work or when I’m alone. I have found some solace in finally opening up to the women at the lingerie stores that what I am buying is for me, and I delight in the fact that they are accepting and help me find items I might like.
How do I approach this subject with my wife again and ask if she’s open to me wearing lingerie and more often? — LIVING IN LINGERIE
DEAR LIVING: You have already discussed this with your wife, and she has made her feelings known. Do not expect her to have become more understanding on the subject of “underdressing.” You are not the only straight man who finds this practice to be pleasurable. Because this is something you really feel compelled to do, go online to research groups for cross-dressers in your area and join one.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.