Director Kevin Smith revealed Wednesday that he checked himself into an Arizona treatment center in January following a “complete break from reality” stemming from severe childhood trauma and self-loathing due to his lifelong struggle with his weight.
“It was scary,” Smith, 52, told People. “At that moment, I wouldn’t have been averse to not being around any longer. I called a friend and said, ‘I’m in a weird, dark place. I need to go somewhere and get help.’”
Smith said that a month of intensive therapy helped him escape from his “larger-than-life” persona — or as he calls it, “the other guy” — and deal with his darkest moments.
The “Clerks” director claims that at age 6, an older boy in his neighborhood forced him to perform sexual acts with a young neighborhood girl.
Smith said he convinced himself that he and the girl “were just playing doctor in an alleyway.”
He said he saw the situation differently when meeting with his therapist in January.
“When a third party is instructing you to do something against your core values like that,” the therapist reportedly told him, “that’s sexual abuse.”
The Post reached out to Smith for comment.
Smith said he was further traumatized a few years later when his fourth grade teacher, who was not named by People, made fun of his weight in front of his classmates. (Smith famously showed off a 51-pound weight loss in 2018 following a heart attack.)
“I felt disgusting, like I didn’t matter. That’s when ‘the other guy’ started to appear,” Smith recalled of his childhood weight struggles. “I decided to be entertaining and make people love me before they noticed I was fat.”
The New Jersey native was only 24 years old when his career took off following the success of his 1994 film “Clerks,” but by that time, he “was already a self-loathing mess.”
“‘The other guy’ became my favorite piece of clothing to wear. I’d just let him take over,” admitted Smith, adding that he threw himself into his work, churning out project after project in order to keep his fears of inadequacy at bay.
Smith also mentioned to People that he often felt out of place during his group therapy sessions.
“In the beginning, it was tough to share when somebody’s talking about watching their friend get killed and I’m like, ‘Well, my fourth-grade teacher told me I was fat,’” said Smith.
The “Chasing Amy” creator eventually managed to warm up to the group, realizing they all shared a similar bond.
“I learned that there’s no differentiation [between levels of trauma] to the human nervous system. Internally, trauma is trauma,” continued Smith.
The father of one — who said he has always judged his worth by his ability to make other people happy — now realizes the power of acceptance.
Smith also revealed that he is trying to create a healthy space in his mind by focusing on the present and nothing else.
“This was eye-opening to me,” acknowledged Smith. “Because I’d always spent the majority of my time depressed about the past or anxious over the future.”
Smith realizes that not every day will be perfect and that there will be ups and downs while he attempts to be his “authentic self,” but most of all, the movie director wants his fans to know the importance of “taking care of your mind.”
“I’m really interested in seeing if I can finally be comfortable sitting by myself,” said Smith. “And just be alone with my thoughts.”
He confessed to reducing his time on social media, as well as his workload. He also said he’s stopped smoking weed.
Smith shared that his goal is to help other people struggling with mental health issues.
“I’m terrified to see everyone’s reaction to [all of this],” Smith said about a video he released about his journey. “But I know there’s somebody out there who doesn’t know this stuff — like I didn’t — who could get something out of this.”
If you are struggling with a mental health crisis and live in New York City, you can call 1-888-NYC-WELL for free and confidential crisis counseling.