What is ‘hermeneutic labor’? Why women are forced to figure out what men really mean

It’s an age-old question: How do you really feel?

Comprehending someone’s communication style can be challenging, especially through text messages, which can lead to misunderstandings and unintentionally hurting the other person’s feelings.

And one of the hardest obstacles that women specifically encounter when dating someone is unclear communication, according to an expert.

“These conversations generally happened when one of us started dating a new guy. A lot of the time, we’d try to guess at what a guy wanted and how to avoid ‘freaking him out,’” Ellie Anderson, an assistant professor of philosophy at Pomona College, told HuffPost regarding her new research on the subject.

Studies included in Anderson’s work, which focused on heterosexual and cisgender couples, revealed the name of the emotional effort women endure: “hermeneutic labor.”

Anderson described it as “imbalances” that are “produced by men’s inability to name and interpret their feelings and by the societal expectation that women manage their own emotions and those of their male partners simultaneously.”

Women can feel the most unsettled and confused after a text exchange with their counterpart. Once they receive a message that is hard to decipher, they feel the urge to become “Inspector Gadget” and use hermeneutic labor to figure out what the sender means instead of asking for clarification.

Another similar concept is “emotional labor,” which is the work involved in managing one’s emotions and expressions when interacting with others, explained Simply Psychology.

Anderson claims that since men may not fully express themselves, women have the impulse to put the pieces together so they understand what the person is trying to say.

“It’s a euphemism for hermeneutic labor,” Anderson said. “We tend to deny the substantial amounts of work that women do to maintain relationships, as well as the fact that a lot of this work is cognitive in character.”

She also claimed that while women do most of the emotional work, men do contribute to the relationship — just not as much as their counterparts.

Anderson unveiled three stages of Hermeneutic labor that people should be aware of:

• Interpreting your feelings and intentions
• Understanding the other person’s feelings, desires and intentions through their nonverbal cues or minimal communication
•  Comparing and contrasting both sets of feelings and intentions for conflict resolution

Despite the strenuous tasks women do to maintain a relationship, the hard work doesn’t go to waste, according to another expert.

“All this work can make the relationship stronger because it helps with communication, but it’s important to remember that this effort by women should be appreciated and not just expected,” marriage therapist Chappell Marsh told HuffPost. 

To avoid the stresses of hermeneutic and emotional labor, people must incorporate clarity when communicating and praise their partner when there’s improvement.

“Show appreciation for her efforts and acknowledge the strain it can put on her ― or him,” Marsh suggested. “This recognition can be validating and can lead to a more balanced relationship dynamic.”