Cue the purple Gemini Prince (or the artist formerly known as) my babies, let’s talk about what makes a motherf–ker, sexy.
So what is the science of sexy or why we deem some people more attractive than others? A new study published by the Sydney Morning Herald suggests that attraction is the combined force of facial symmetry, scent, jawline strength, DTF vibes, musical ability, dopamine release, and BAC levels. I hear honesty and decency are important too, but only if you have a weak chin.
I would humbly suggest that astrology also plays an integral part in quickening the heart rate, pulling sweat from the palms, and sending libidinous thoughts to the brain and hot vital blood to the loins.
In celebration of the attractiveness in its myriad expressions, we bring you a list of the sexiest quality of each of the twelve zodiac signs, because the rising sign indicates the first impression we make, read for both your sun and ascendant signs.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Passion /Directness
An Aries knows what they want and isn’t shy about letting it be known. Direct but never desperate, I’ll vote this sign the most likely to use the eggplant emoji, make the first move and move it along if they don’t sense interest or pheromone compatibility. They aren’t always tasteful or tactful but they are bold AF and their incapacity for chill holds a certain kind of charm. They are also incapable of backing down from a dare or feeling shame, a quality that lends itself to sexual boundary pushing and general attractiveness.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Sensuality
The bull was born to live well and enjoy thinks slowly. More appetizers, more orgasms reads the epitaph for every Taurus. Whether it’s eating a strawberry warm from the sun, folding themselves into expensive sheets, applying anti-aging cream or getting it on, Taurus is about the experience of being fully present in their body and fully enraptured by its possibilities. The pursuit of pleasure is their sacred birthright and it’s a ride, like queso dip, they are always willing to share.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Wit
Ruled by Mercury, Geminis are constantly creating, fielding, filtering and questionably dispensing information. Highly verbal and lightly manic, they speak with authority and intrigue about a wide range of topics. Their command of language and knowledge is dizzying and conversation can feel much like communing with a WWE announcer high on blackmarket ADHD meds, but, like, in a hot way. No one nails a clever, sexually charged text exchange quite like a Gemini, so long as they remember to respond. Famously hard to get a hold of or on, the elusiveness of Gemini is another of their many charms.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Instability
Cancer is ruled by the moon, the fastest moving, most unrepentantly moody of celestial bodies. This lunar lording makes crab folk emotionally unstable and absolutely captivating, they’ve got that wounded bird that might bite act down pat. Will they bake you a pie or key your car? Stay at home watching baby animal videos or audition for amateur night at the strip club? Will they go Care Bear or criminal? There’s absolutely no telling and that is absolutely the draw.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Confidence
Leos radiate warmth, joie de vivre, glad tidings, vanity and the notion that wherever they are is where you want to be. More interested in being desired than getting down, they enjoy playing the game of cat and mouse or demigod and supplicant. Leo does nothing lukewarm or at half mast, with the possible exception of admitting fault. Their bearing is regal and their confidence palpable. If you don’t find them attractive you’re clearly a fool and can also guarantee that they will try with back breaking theatrics to convince you that you are mistaken.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Thoughtfulness
Because Virgo notices EVERYTHING, including your unplucked right eyebrow and general preference for non dairy creamer, they really deliver in the realm of thoughtfulness. Acts of service is the love language and life blood of the Virgo ilk who are likely to change your oil, clean your bathroom and tell you when it’s time for a haircut or a juice cleanse. Intentional but never smothering, Virgo is happy to tie you up but never down.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Beauty
Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of love and beauty. In addition to being easy on the eyes themselves, Libras are adept at creating beautiful spaces and making others feel comfortable and lavished upon. Diplomats at best and huckster car salesman at worst, Libra not only deal in beauty, they have the capacity to make others see the beauty around and within them. Charming always, ugly never, authentic intermittently.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Intensity/ambition
Capable of changing and charging the energy of a room, Scorpios never fail to leave an impression. As the most powerful sign in the zodiac they have the uncanny, unsettling and deeply sexy ability to direct all of their attention and ambition at a single point, be it vengeance, world domination, Monopoly deal or a potential partner. It doesn’t blink, it smells like old sweat on new leather and it works.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Sense of humor
Natural optimists, archers possess a wonderful sense of humor and a levity about life that makes them seem unfazed by bumps in the road and generally enthused about the curves ahead. Like fellow fire sign, Aries, Sagittarius is a roll dog, ready for action and adventure with a glint in their eye and some drugs in their knapsack. This swashbuckling spirit is a kind of contagion that makes others want to be near, and go far with, them. Sag folk don’t mind being laughed at and find the humor in the most dire of circumstances. Positive vibes and loose morals, Sag sexiness is laissezz faire and a little bit rock n roll with a high rate of HPV.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Control and command
Is it a coincidence that Capricorn Jeff Bezos consistently bats above his average in romantic entanglements? Absolutely not. Capricorn is the sign of getting it done or paying someone to handle it, either way their vibe is command and execution and we’re into it. In astrology, Capricorn is associated with the archetype of the father and regardless of gender identification, Caps have a certain daddy energy to them. It’s hot, it’s capable and it pays your parking tickets/shipping fees.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Singularity/intrigue
Aquarius is the hardest sign to define as their greatest unifying quality is radical individualism, there’s no two the same and knowing one is no guarantee that you know them at all. What makes an Aquarius sexy is the same thing that makes aliens interesting, the potential for probing and all the unanswered questions. You’ll never know what they’re thinking and they’ll never admit to feeling and that great unknown is a hot frontier, folks.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Ease
I mean easy as both easy to sleep with and easy to be around, and I mean both qualities as an absolute compliment. Pisces is the most fluid of the water signs with a down to clown but never judge vibe that makes them approachable and attractive. Bad at boundaries but great at making out and courting mischief these candy hearted, poetry bleeding, boxed wine slugging elves are hard to resist. Being around them is a little like walking through Wonderland, Wonderland being an adult amusement park where the prizes are mini bottles, amethyst crystals and pet ghosts.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.