DEAR ABBY: I have a lovely life — a wonderful husband and five caring children entering adulthood. I have a successful career I am well compensated for. The problem I face is that at 47, my health is such that I live every day in debilitating pain. I spend my energy getting through my day and evenings, and weekends in pain and recovering from my work week.
My husband is understanding, but friends and family don’t understand. I don’t know how much longer I can continue this, but I don’t know how to give up a well-paying career without which my family’s quality of life would considerably change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. — TRYING TO REST IN MIDWEST
DEAR TRYING: Whether your friends and family “understand” the challenges you are dealing with is beside the point. I will assume that you have talked at length about this with your husband. Your next step should be to talk with your physician about a referral to a pain-management specialist. If you are unable to find relief there, you may have to take the financial hit. Although it may mean your family will have to make do with less, your quality of life is important, too.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together 25 years and had an ideal marriage. She has recently become a dedicated baseball fan, or should I say, obsessed. She has season tickets and attends wearing her team outfit. She got a team license plate and scours the daily sports page for team news first thing every morning. She talks baseball with anyone anytime, including me, incessantly, despite my lukewarm interest.
At home on game day she has multiple TVs on, as well as her laptop and phone dialed to the game, lest she miss one second of play. She can talk about every player on a first-name basis, and their family in minute detail. When her team misses a play or loses, she gets irate and loudly curses at the TV. I worry she takes it too seriously.
She’s now bringing her portable TV into bed for late games. Needless to say, thinking about baseball in the bedroom has thrown a curve to our marital bliss. When I bring up the interference, she argues that “most husbands” would be thrilled to be married to a “Gamer-Babe.” Can you referee this disputed call? — STRIKING OUT IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR STRIKING OUT: Tell your sports-obsessed wife that while most husbands would be thrilled to be married to a “Gamer-Babe,” she isn’t married to one of them. Tell her you love her, but you are oversaturated with statistics and need her to dial it back. Explain that the portable TV in the bedroom is interfering with your sex life, and if she values your marital relationship, she will respect that. Don’t wait. Take your stand now, before baseball season starts again.
P.S. In self-defense, arm yourself with new interests of your own because I have a feeling you are going to need them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.