Dear Abby: One of my neighbors died and none of his family wants to upkeep the house

DEAR ABBY: How much should a neighborhood do to keep up a vacant house? About 15 years ago, a couple in their 50s moved into the end of my cul-de-sac. Their two children were out of college; the son lived elsewhere, and the daughter lived with them.

Almost two years ago, the dad died suddenly. The mom moved out of state with relatives. The house has been vacant ever since. There are five cars on the property: one in the side yard, two in the driveway, and two parked in the street in front. (There is limited parking in the cul-de-sac.) We have asked the children to sell or move the cars, but nothing has been done. The taillights have been broken, and in one car, a window is down, and kids can get into it. When can we ask the police to declare the cars abandoned and tow them?

The son comes by about once a month to get the mail. Bill collectors come by and ask how to get in touch with the owners. Even the utilities aren’t paid. When I called the daughter about all this, she suggested I give out her brother’s phone number. Is it our responsibility to help creditors and utilities get in touch with the owners’ children?

Several of us regularly pick up litter that blows into the yard. I raked up leaves in the fall. I watered the roses in summer. I am older than the owner and don’t want to look after two yards. Do you have any suggestions? — NETTLED NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Sympathy for the bereaved is all well and good, but after two years of this, enough is enough. You’ve gone above and beyond as a generous neighbor, and it’s time to recognize that your efforts have not been appreciated. Do not set foot on that property again to do free yard work.

The abandoned cars are a safety concern and should be reported to the police immediately. As for the creditors, by all means provide them with the son’s contact information. It’s not your responsibility, but they’ll have no reason to bother you after that. For all the other unsightly concerns that have accumulated, make a detailed list and report everything to the city. I’m willing to bet the place gets cleaned up (or sold) in a hurry once municipal fines have been assessed.

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DEAR ABBY: I have had a best friend, “Carolyn,” since seventh grade. Her husband died more than 10 years ago, and every year a graduating senior receives a small scholarship in his memory.

This year, my granddaughter graduated, which Carolyn surely knows, yet Carolyn’s family awarded the scholarship to another senior. I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it. Any ideas? — SLIGHTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SLIGHTED: Has it not occurred to you that the student who was awarded the small scholarship may have needed it more than your granddaughter? Your friendship with Carolyn should not be a factor in who received the award. Handle your disappointment by recognizing that you were wrong to assume your granddaughter would be guaranteed anything.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.